S1M2 - Lay of the Land

On my run today, I collected:

2 axes
6 bottles of water
3 mobile phones
4 shirts
1 bottle of antibiotics
2 packs of batteries
1 9mm Ammo
1 First Aid Kit
1 underwear
1 pair of trainers
3 trousers
1 pair of shorts

… and I’m supposed to be running with all this stuff?! 

Fun fact

I’d never known that knee-lifts could be so funny. I was doing walk/run drills with knee-lifts in between, Sam had taken over Dr. Myers’ part as drill instructor - and he was making fun of my knee-lifts! All the time!!! I was panting and grinning and muttering “You ****!” But apparently not quiet enough, as an elderly man who came towards me seemed a bit puzzled… oops. But as he seemed to know that he was not the one I was insulting, I only smiled friendly to greet him and carried on with my training, laughing inwardly all the more.

S1M1 - Jolly Alpha Niner

So it begins. 

Had anybody told me three months ago that I would be running 5 km at a stretch pretty soon, I would have thought they were crazy. NEVER! Never in my life have I run. Several people tried to get me running, but without success. To quote Gimli: "We dwarves are natural sprinters!" 

Then someone told me about Zombies, Run, and I thought it was worth a try - although I usually don’t even like zombie universes. Zombies, ew! But the story sounded incredibly entertaining. I marveled at how quick my body was able to adapt to the training, each time I could run a few seconds longer, and soon I counted the run time in minutes and not seconds. Last week, three months after beginning with the 5K training, I successfully completed my first 5K run and couldn’t believe it. I mean - I was a couch potato. Completely out of shape! And now I am a runner. 

No, not just “a runner”. I’m a Runner with a capital R! I am Runner Five! 
And I’m incredibly curious what’s going to happen in Abel Township. What I’ll do, what I’ll find - I am so proud to have already collected some batteries! Yeah, sound’s stupid, I know, but every time that voice tells me that I have collected something, I am happy. 

So, to all my fellow Runner Five’s out there: Greetings to you, and don’t stop running!


I See Fire - Ed Sheeran

(via richardcfarmitage)

New poster for “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug”

New poster for “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug”

(Source: thorinds, via mrsrichardarmitage)

100 days until The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug!
… dreading the spiders. *arachnophobia*

100 days until The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug!

… dreading the spiders. *arachnophobia*

The Hobbit: An imaginary claims report II

Last week, we showed the events from “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” from an insurance point of view. With virtual liability losses of over three million euros, it was a pretty large sum. But the property damage that takes place in the movie is much higher. When Gandalf and the Dwarfs escape from the Orks, their entire fortress is totally destroyed. After the tons of rubble are removed and the fortress is rebuilt, the insurance company has to pick up a much bigger tab. The imaginary claim “in accordance to the regulations of the authorities of Middle Earth” adds up to a grand total of 320 million euros.

Determining the total loss for the cathedral and fortress after the fire
Clean-up and demolition costs for the cathedral or fortress, which were destroyed completely:

  1. Disposal of 300,000 tons of stone and other materials (EUR 190.00 per ton) = EUR 57,000,000.00
  2. Demolition costs for 30,000 manual laborers working 8 hours a day for 7 days (approx. 10 tons in 7 days for each laborer) estimated at EUR 39.00/h = EUR 65,520,000.00

Total cost of clean-up and demolition = EUR 122,520,000.00 million

Replanting of five trees (20 meter pines)
As per the policy, we would compensate our policyholder with young trees only (ca. 80cm). According to Internet research, approx. EUR 40 per tree plus costs for the gardener (EUR 40/h for 10 hours). As the previous items were burned to the ground, no disposal costs are incurred.
Total for replanting = EUR 600.00
Restoration costs for the cathedral or fortress:
Due to the high policy deductible for stone fortresses hewn into mountains (EUR 1.5 million) in the event of fire, burst pipes, storm/hail and damage caused by natural hazards, our policyholder (the king of all dwarf tribes) has decided to opt for notional settlement. As we have received full approval from the SIGL, and ownership can be clearly traced back to the Dwarf King, according to an excerpt from the land register, there is no reason not to reach a coverage settlement.

  1. The restoration costs for the fortress, which measures 145 meters in length, 85 meters in width and 45 meters in height, were assessed by the experts that we commissioned to be EUR 199,000,000.00 for a standard fortress.
  2. This calculation takes into consideration the requirements imposed by the administrative authorities of Middle Earth.

Total restoration costs for the fortress minus deductible of 1.5 million = EUR 197,500,000.00

The evacuation of golden treasure was classed as salvage costs:

  1. Salvage costs for the golden treasure (2,000m3) underneath the debris were calculated on a notional basis. 10 days, with 100 laborers working 10 hours every day = 10,000 hours x EUR 39.00 = EUR 390,000.00.
  2. Another explicit reference to the limit of indemnity for valuables was made in the context of home contents insurance, with the comment that the underlying policy requires urgent amendment to account for the existing treasure.

Salvage costs for golden treasure = EUR 390,000.00
Total loss for the fortress: EUR 320,410,600.00 million
Determining the total damage to the residence. Suspected cause of damage: “Attack from manned or unmanned flying objects” or dragons
Larger building (5m*5m*10m) declared to be a multiple-family dwelling:

  1. Clean-up and demolition costs incl. disposal = EUR 80,000
  2. Restoration costs according to experts’ notional cost assessment = EUR 795,000.00
  3. Our policyholder would once again like a notional settlement, as he would like to leave the town in order to avoid a repeat occurrence of such a situation; he has, however, informed us that he would like to remain an Allianz customer in his new place of residence, “The Shire”.

Total cost of clean-up and demolition = EUR 80,000
Calculation of restoration costs based on settlement at 80% of the net loss = EUR 636,000.00

Total damages to residential building: EUR 716,000.00
Determining the total loss for 30 bridges
30 bridges inside the Orc fortress.

  1. In general, bridges on an insured property are not viewed as building components or land and appurtenances. We therefore assume that these are included in the scope of cover on an individual basis and are specified or listed in the insurance policy.
  2. On average, a bridge like the ones inside the subterranean Orc fortress has a length of 52.5 meters.
  3. Allianz Handwerker Services will carry out the restoration work, as the project leaders and their service providers are fearless and this is the only company prepared to work with the Orcs.
  4. Approx. EUR 65,000 as a fixed price per bridge, classed as a wooden construction, incl. scaffolding.

30 bridges at a fixed price = EUR 1,950,000

Total loss for 30 bridges: EUR 1,950,000.00
Calculation of the total loss for protective shields and wooden arrows

  1. As the protective shields and wooden arrows were damaged or shot at during a battle, this is a clear case of wilful intent. These objects also fall under the Military Weapons Act and will not be settled for reasons of decency, as a review of each individual combatant’s possession of a valid arms possession card (Waffenbesitzkarte) is no longer possible due to the high number of fatalities.

Total loss = EUR 0.00

Total loss for shields and wooden arrows = EUR 0.00
Determining loss amount for 5 uprooted trees (20m pines)
Clean-up and removal of the trees estimated by the adjuster to amount to = EUR 5,000.00
Replanting using young pines at EUR 40.00 each = EUR 250.00
Wage costs for gardeners to carry out the replanting, 10 h at EUR 40.00 each = EUR 400.00
Total loss = EUR 5,650.00

Total loss for uprooted trees: EUR 5,650.00
Determining total loss for 25 giant wolves

  1. The ‘giant wolf’ is not classed as a small animal, and is therefore not included in insured home contents within the meaning of the General Terms and Conditions of Home Contents Insurance (VHB).
  2. The Orcs’ accounting department must provide information on whether separate animal insurance is in place, or whether the wolves are insured within the framework of the existing home contents insurance (if this exists) as working wolves (dogs).
  3. This means that under the current circumstances there are no losses which qualify for indemnification, and no proof has been submitted of any insured hazard. At present, I am preceding on the assumption of clear wilful intent, as the holders (Orcs) deliberately sent the wolves into battle.

Total loss for wolves: EUR 0.00
Hufgard’s summary: From Allianz’s point of view, we can only hope that with the current loss amount totaling EUR 323,082,250.00 net, the risk has been distributed across a variety of companies. No liability is assumed for the accuracy of the information on the aforementioned figures.  

The Hobbit: An imaginary claims report I

From an insurance point of view, the events in the movie “The Hobbit: An unexpected journey” are a real disaster. A fortress, a whole village, warriors and a pack of giant wolves. But Allianz experts Dr. Nils Möckelmann, consultant for special claims, and Andreas Hufgard, major claims regulator, quickly realized: “As the liability insurer of the Dwarves or the wizard Gandalf, we could easily deny cover, since the injuries and deaths were clearly intentional.” But who wants to get into an argument with a bunch of heavily armed Dwarves? Or with one of the most powerful wizards in Middle Earth?

Part one: Liability losses. 

A bad guy’s lower arm is severed (this is later reattached with a prosthetic hook)

  1. Damages for pain and suffering of EUR 5,000.00 (relatively low, as the bad guy is used to injuries and has an exceptional constitution)
  2. Treatment costs of EUR 500.00 (good value, as the prosthesis is not attached by a professional, but is effective)
  3. Damages for loss of earnings of EUR 200 (lead baddie estimated to be out of action for only 2 days due to excellent constitution. The leader’s salary is estimated at EUR 100 per day.
  4. Damage incurred due to loss of ability to run a household does not apply, as the miscreant cannot convincingly claim that he ever helped his co-habitants with housework.

Three fantasy figures (trolls, three meters tall) are turned to stone by magic

  1. There are no known relatives who could make claims, nor was the inheritance (the troll treasure in the cave) claimed.
  2. Funeral costs do not apply, as the trolls are now acting as their own gravestones.
  3. Therefore: no loss

100 bad guys and fantasy figures are - it is implied - injured, stabbed, decapitated, killed (very family-friendly filming! We imagine that the actions went further)

  1. Lump sum for damages for pain and suffering of EUR 5,000 per Orc, i.e. a total of EUR 500,000.
  2. Treatment costs or funeral costs per orc of a lump sum of EUR 1,000, i.e. total of EUR 100,000.
  3. Loss of earnings for each surviving Orc equals a lump sum of EUR 100 (receives starvation wage), total of EUR 3,000.
  4. No damage due to loss of ability to run a household as it is hard to believe that an orc would help with housework.
  5. As little is known of Orcs’ private lives (do they have wives, children?) it is difficult to calculate any maintenance costs.

25 giant wolves (the size of oxen) are injured or stabbed, or fall to their deaths

  1. The giant wolves (Wargs) appear to be owned by the Warg-riders (Orcs).
  2. Wargs are a species in danger of extinction, meaning that their death is extremely regrettable and the loss is consequently nigh on impossible to compensate. The value of a Warg is estimated to be EUR 100,000, meaning that there is an estimated loss of EUR 2,500,000 for 25 Wargs.

Five gigantic stone giants (ten meters tall) who emerge from the Misty Mountains, throw boulders, attack each other and break into a thousand pieces

  1. This process is presumably classed as a spectacle of nature. The group of Dwarves cannot really be held responsible.

Experts’ comment: as liability insurer to the team of Dwarves or Gandalf, it must be noted that we could refuse cover to the wizard, as the bodily injuries and deaths were apparently inflicted with willful intent. Due to the Dwarves’ well-known capacity for aggression and the incredible magical power of Gandalf, it could, however, be the case that the administrator would refrain from refusing cover in the interests of customer satisfaction.

It seems feasible to deny liability to the injured parties, as first of all, these individuals were fully aware of the risk that they were running by attacking the group of Dwarves and Gandalf. Second, the Dwarves and Gandalf generally acted purely in self-defense. In this case as well, however, it could be that the administrator is not keen to dispute the denial of liability with Orcs and trolls, etc., and would therefore prefer not to raise any objections to the assumption of liability.


Total liability damages: 3,108,700 euros.

Here I am. Born to be king.I’m the prince of the universe.Here I belong. Fighting to survivein a world with the darkest powers.(…) I have no rival.No man can be my equal.Take me to the future of your world.
Born to be king.Prince of the universe.Fighting and free.
(Lyrics modified from “Princes of the Universe” by Queen)

Here I am. Born to be king.
I’m the prince of the universe.
Here I belong. Fighting to survive
in a world with the darkest powers.
(…) I have no rival.
No man can be my equal.
Take me to the future of your world.

Born to be king.
Prince of the universe.
Fighting and free.

(Lyrics modified from “Princes of the Universe” by Queen)